Dear Little Bobby: Trying To Avoid Taco Hell, and Looking for a Third Wheel

Dear Little Bobby - Pyragraph

Got questions for Little Bobby? Send them to dearlittlebobby@pyragraph.com.


Dear Little Bobby,

The rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle is known for sex, drugs and partying. When me and my bandmates are on tour, we have trouble finding fast, affordable, healthy food. We are tired of gas station junk and cheap burritos. What are some ways to rock out on the road and stay healthy on tour?

—Trying to avoid Taco Hell

 

Dear Trying to avoid Explosive Diarrhea,

Since I am (mostly) a vegan, I have to be prepared ahead of time, or I will end up eating nothing but cheap bean burritos (not good when trapped in a van for days and weeks on end). For me, being prepared for tour means taking lots of food with me. I pack a cooler with sandwiches for the first few days, those feature lots of veggies and hummus. I also take extra fruit like apples and maybe unripened bananas to have well into the trip.

Also, try packing the same kind off foods you might take camping, which means lots of nuts and dried fruit with trail mix, chips and bean dips. After this stuff has all been eaten, look up natural grocery stores in the towns through which you are traveling: Sprouts, local Co-ops and, if you want to spend WAY too much, there is always Whole Paycheck, but at that point, I would rather just go to any grocery store or fruit stand.

I know full well that, when traveling with a band, the schedule can be very hectic. That means sometimes we find ourselves needing food in a place without an open grocery store that is close by. So when I need a meal at 2am, Denny’s offers a veggie burger, and when stopping in Amarillo for gas, Burger King offers a veggie burger, too.

However, we get what we pay for and if you eat enough $8 veggie burgers from Denny’s, you might decide that it is worth packing a cooler. It’s much cheaper too.

And if you want hot food, you can get a camping stove for less than $10 (and nicer ones for more). These are perfect for stopping in a rest area and making a quick meal (it takes as long as it does to boil water). You can get tasty boil-in-bag indian meals for a couple of bucks. I personally like to go to our local La Montanita Co-op and buy dried corn chowder, dried tabouleh, and any other quick (just add water) mixes. These are super cheap, tasty and quick. Just remember to have a lot of water and bread to go with them.

Even I get lazy and sometimes eat junk… I usually feel bad as a result. The more I put healthy food (full of fiber and vitamins, low in fat) into my body, the more I notice how low-quality food makes me feel. It is like smoking cigarettes: Do it once in a while and you will feel bad, do it for many years and you will feel worse (eventually), unless you get hit by a bus.

With a little effort, we can eat healthy almost all of the time on tour. We can also save money, feel better and benefit the environment by eliminating the excess packaging that so much junk food comes in. Trying to not drink too much alcohol AND trying to get enough sleep on the floors of strangers, is already hard enough on tour. So do what you can to put healthy food into your body. The benefits are longterm and plentiful.

Rock on!!!

—Little Bobby Tucker

“I’m gettin’ hungry, hungry for my kind of woman” —The Beach Boys, 1967


Dear Little Bobby…

I have been dating my boyfriend for about eight months. The relationship is pretty good, but I’ve been thinking that I would like to spice it up a bit by having a threesome with him and another guy, but he is kind of homophobic and jealous, so he isn’t into it. Should I give up on this fantasy?

—Looking For A Third Wheel

 

Dear Looking,

Putting pressure on someone to do something that they do not want to do can be harmful and hurtful. It is one thing to encourage personal growth in others or to maybe help them out of their comfort zone, but is another thing to try changing someone against their will. If your boyfriend does not want to do something—especially something very personal like sex which opens us up to our own vulnerabilities—then his feelings and wishes should be respected.

But what about YOUR feelings and YOUR wishes?

Should you give up on this fantasy? Perhaps. I think your boyfriend’s homophobia is unfortunate, maybe he is repressed—maybe not. Maybe you’ll end up noticing unpleasant effects of his homophobia and jealousy in time.

I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt BUT as far as his jealousy goes, it is not helpful to anyone. In many ways our modern society tells us that jealousy is a sign of affection, that being jealous means we “care.” What bullshit that is. Jealousy is a symptom of insecurities and fears. When someone is jealous, they are afraid and are acting out of that fear. The results are often not only non-beneficial, but frequently harmful.

You could give up on this fantasy IF you are happy with other things in the relationship and IF you decide that this is just one desire you have that you can do without. It can be a decision based on balance, on what is important to you. But if you want any chance being satisfied—whether or not this fantasy ever comes to life—you should communicate. Be clear and tell him that this is something that you would like.

If he has said no, you could give it time, but his feelings quite probably will not change. If living this fantasy out is really that important to you, then maybe this is not the boyfriend for you.

Only you can decide that, of course. Do you want to have your cake AND eat it too? AND share it with someone else? AND then go back for more cake? I mean… how good is this cake?

There are other potential consequences as well, aside from hurt feelings there is the possibility of STD transmission and unwanted pregnancy. So be careful. Do not just add alcohol and hope for the best.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Whether you live this fantasy out or not, best wishes to you and to them.

—Little Bobby Tucker

“If you’re crazy too, I don’t really see, why can’t we go on as three” —Jefferson Airplane, 1968

Email your poly/creative/music/sex/how-to-stay-healthy-on-tour questions to Little Bobby: dearlittlebobby@pyragraph.com.
Little Bobby Tucker

About Little Bobby Tucker

Little Bobby Tucker was born and raised in Waco, Texas by Big Bobby and Bonnie Tucker. Since 2002, he has been the front man/glitter fairy for Shoulder Voices, a band based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which specializes in stuffed animals and glitter. Their newest album, The Life and Death Tragedy/Comedy of the Stuffed Animal Band, was released in the summer of 2016. He has also completed 10 Duke City Marathons and enjoys eating vegetables and spending time meditating at a local Buddhist center.

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