Faith Over Fear

Faith Over Fear - Tonya Kay - Pyragraph

I’ve never had a plan B.

To me, plan B is planning for failure. Not only does plan B seem like mental sabotage, but also a commitment cop out on plan A. I mean, if performing is the only plan you have for feeding yourself and paying rent, you work pretty damn hard at making performing profitable.

I remember when I was a young musical theater actress living on the south side of Chicago. I caught myself stressing, like I did every month, over how I was going to pay my 3-bedroom’s whopping $250 rent on my unpredictable performer’s salary. But this time the stress was really affecting my health and something changed.

I stopped.

I asked myself, “Have you ever not paid your rent?” I always had.

I asked myself, “Is there any reason to believe you won’t pay your rent this time?” There was none.

I had no proof of my fears and all proof otherwise. The only thing I was changing by stressing out about money was my own well-being.

Spiritually, I had been choosing my fears over faith. That’s a much bigger life-lesson than how to make more money. The success of a professional long-term artist is contingent not on how well they’ve planned B, but how successfully they’ve embraced the entire artistic process, by coveting faith over fear.

Photo by J. Kirkingburg.

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17 Comments

  1. This is something I face every day. I’ve always been a Faith person, but it’s been a very, very hard year, and Fear is gaining ground.

    Girl, you should write something for RTV once in a while. :P

    1. I’m not following. George Lopez gets a kick out of your employment history… and suggests that you spray yourself in silver paint. You’d probably already done that by then. ;) This is why you’ve got “infinite potential.”

      I was thinking of that award last night, and I think I dreamt of you. I can’t remember much, it’s just vague impressions. Something about seeing how a movie set works, I think.

      So, digression aside… how does this reflect on the idiot OC?

      1. haha. actually the eMag requested another photo, but I’m not a photographer, so all I have rights to myself are modeling shoots, headshots and art photos like the one above. i couldn’t find anything that really symbolized “losing a job” in my collection so this is what we all settled on. at least it’s pretty:-) i don’t know OC, Sheta? what i was saying is i relate to having to keep your head up, what with losing so many jobs and getting back on that horse – sometimes we’re just trudging the wrong path. sometimes it’s easier and then again, other times you just have to work through it.

        1. OH! Duh! *facepalm* I am dense. Thank you!

          The OC (Original Commenter) was who I was asking “you’re joking, right?” — not YOU! ;) I was replying to his comment. I should have been clearer.

          He should get a life. Or move somewhere the women where where hijab and five layers of clothing.

  2. keep it cool now, Sheta. Dennis was absolutely correct in his statement that the photo is inappropriate to the article. but of course I also explained why that’s the case. i’m not sure he was concerned about the content of the photo being suggestive – which you are correct, i do always seem to push the limits there.

  3. Right now I am in full on panic mode due to being two grand in the red and no options. I like this post and showed it to my roommate, who is my oldest friend in the world; he is really infected with the Fear thing right now.

    I’m trying to keep myself in groceries and cigarettes (horrors) by selling aluminum cans. I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to make it. But somehow, I always do. My faith has been pretty solid til this year. It’s being tested again, and I feel rather rudderless. Existential agonizing seems to be my theme this year. I’m getting older, and I want to leave my mark upon the world before I leave it. Not sure I’m gonna make it, but I keep on trying. :)

  4. I’m sorry it’s been rough on you lately, Sheta. I’ve been in it before, too. I understand at least some of the things that might be going through your mind. No matter how minimal we keep our expenses or how magnificently we manage our money, there is still a minimum that we all need to feed/house ourselves at the quality of life we feel comfortable with. Of course we all need moola. I hope that faith finds you again, so that your mind can stay healthy while you hoof it for dough. Faith is a healer in that way. Sometimes you don’t have to change a situation at all and a little faith brings peace back to you while you continue striving or pushing towards what is already on it’s way to you, too.

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