I do everything myself. I do everything at once. It’s a curse. It’s a blessing.
Let’s just look at today. Word, Photoshop, Final Cut, Logic, iTunes and Firefox all vying for space on my computer screen this very minute. Writer, publicist, graphist, producer, artist, performer, booking agent, dramaturg, videomaker, and it’s only 1pm.
My professional life is bloated beyond reason. My private life is doing well, sort of.
I did manage to get out of the house yesterday and meet a real human being for almost an hour. We talked shop, of course; albums, projects, tips…coating our essentially-business meeting with that sweet cracked-sugar-crust of friendship. Then I went to a show, staying only for the opening act, Brother Ali, in a bout of nostalgia for my American days, or more probably to be reminded why we do what we do and give up so much of what people normally consider essential. Ali’s as much of a hard worker than I am but he does it with others in mind, in message and in deed.
Everything I do is myself, I do everything myself, it all comes back and around to work—let’s just call it that—and why wouldn’t I do everything myself? It’s what I do. A trademark. I shall be known by the things I couldn’t do. They’re fewer to remember.
So, no. I don’t ask for help. I tried.
Tried with my latest album cover. Asked a graphist friend. Bombed. She ducked. Hired a professional. Bombed. I ducked. In the end, I did it myself and I’m so happy with the result. Asked for help making music videos but couldn’t find anyone cheap x good enough—the golden ratio—and ended up shooting those myself, shoplifting a bag of Buddha Bears (Prenzlauer Berg’s version of your basic gummies) and a handful of cocktail umbrellas. I edited the videos in the TGV train back from my folks’.
I could go on. I’ve been going on for a while. A friend joked it sounded like I had the classic “first of class” syndrome. Be the best, be the top, try everything once and never have to explain yourself to anyone.
Don’t ask for help. Just do it and you’ll never have to answer any questions or doubt any of your moves. Just keep running.
Photo by Marianne.