A Letter to People Living in America Who Are Not Americans on the 4th of July

Happy 4th of July - Pyragraph

Pyragraph is taking a day off today since everyone is likely watching soccer, drunk and/or blowing their fingers off, which makes it hard to click around Pyragraph posts. Instead of leaving you high and dry, however, please enjoy this post from Contributing Editor at Large, Eva Avenue (and her cohorts Allison Zajac & Justin Piñero), which she posted today at her own blog, Nightly Noodle Monthly.

Dear Y’all,

What does the 4th of July mean to Americans anyway?

What’s behind the fireworks, the face paint, the barbecues, the red, white and blue cakes? What are we thinking about when we hold each other close on picnic blankets and watch things explode in the night sky? Do we dream that night about the beauty of War?

God is watching you in the bedroom.

You might be here to escape war in your own country; you might be here cause you got a wild hair up your heart and decided to hop ship across some waves cause you felt alive, cause you’re an explorer. Maybe you’re a masochist. You might be here cause you fell in love and she seduced you across the pond; maybe your airplane crashed in the fields of Ohio while you were dreaming of Japan.

Is it a celebration of freedom from the struggle for survival? Some kind of nationwide thumbs up at one another because we continue to be more free than everyone else in the world; that our freedom is more explosive and crosses all cultural divides within our own citizenry? We are free to gorge ourselves on fatty food and blow things up with a sort of underlying indisputable patriotic dignity. It is a celebration of narcissism but a narcissism we all enjoy.

In summation, God is watching you in the bedroom. Is God with you every time you partake in sexual intercourse? Have you written a letter to God and asked him for permission in advance? Divine consensual intercourse is safer and more satisfying than any other, so before you consummate make sure God is ready and willing to watch.

God bless America,
Eva Avenue, Allison Zajac & Justin Piñero

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

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