Dear Little Bobby: Sexual Shame

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Dear Little Bobby,

I have struggled with my sexuality ever since I can remember. When I first noticed that I was different, I felt ashamed. I got used to feeling like that. Even though I know I shouldn’t feel that way, sometimes I still do. Is there a way get rid of that feeling?

—Anonymous Smith


Dear Anonymous Smith,

Without knowing the specifics, struggling with your sexuality could mean any number of things: sexual orientation, sexual activity, your sex life (quantity, number of partners, fetishes, etc.). I can relate to all of those things because I have struggled with them myself. I’ve also struggled with feeling different, feeling ashamed and feeling like I should know better. It sucks, my friend.

Step into it, for yourself and others. This works with any situation, but we often do not want to admit that. We do not want to give into Love because our ego has us trapped, and some big parts of being in that trap are fear, anger and a sense of no control. If we do not feel we are able to control our sexuality, fuel is added to the fire.

I often felt powerless as I struggled with my sexuality. Whether my issues seemed to be my own screwed up prejudices about sexual orientation, the prejudices of others, sex addiction, bizarre fetishes, or any number of other things, the actual issue was always feeling a lack of control that prompted anger, shame, fear and all of the other results of our ego being trapped in ignorance.

The solution is not to get control—the solution is always to let go. Let go of expectations. Let go of misguided delusions of having any control over the world. We can only try to be educated, to be safe, and most of all, to be loving.

Love yourself. Meditate on compassion, for yourself and for others. Repeat as needed. With deep feelings like guilt and shame, we need to repeat this contemplation over and over, possibly for years. That depends on each of us and the situation of our hearts. I promise you that if you put effort into loving yourself and others, you will make significant progress. My friend, please let me know if you would like any help with a meditation practice.

—Little Bobby Tucker

“I’m a man, Am I bi?
I’m a man, I’m a slave,
I’m a man, I’m a little girl,
And we make love together”
—Berlin, Sex (I’m A…), 1983

Email your political/songwriting/creative/music/sex questions to Little Bobby:
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About Little Bobby Tucker

Little Bobby Tucker was born and raised in Waco, Texas by Big Bobby and Bonnie Tucker. Since 2002, he has been the front man/glitter fairy for Shoulder Voices, a band based in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which specializes in stuffed animals and glitter. Their newest album, The Life and Death Tragedy/Comedy of the Stuffed Animal Band, was released in the summer of 2016. He has also completed 10 Duke City Marathons and enjoys eating vegetables and spending time meditating at a local Buddhist center.

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