Got questions for Little Bobby? Send them to dearlittlebobby@pyragraph.com.

Dear Little Bobby,

My boyfriend and I have discussed getting married. We still live separately and have kids from previous relationships so our tight schedules can make it difficult to find time for each other. Now he has done something unexpected. Last week he bought a purebred German Shepherd puppy from a pet store without even discussing it with me. He said he did it for his kids. Now he is going to have even less time for me and I’m hurt that he didn’t even tell me he was going to add another member to our family. I love dogs but this is making me reevaluate our relationship and take a step back. Thoughts? 

—Doesn’t Feel Like Puppy Love

Dear Doesn’t Feel Like Puppy Love,

I briefly dated a very rich woman who paid $3000 for a “fancy” cat. She claimed that she actually got a good deal on the cat because the pet shop in Manhattan, which sold the cat to her, was originally asking $5,000. I immediately realized that she was an idiot and was not the kind of person I should be dating, no matter how beautiful or rich she was.

Frankly, I think your boyfriend is a fool for buying a puppy from a pet shop, even if he did not pay $3,000 for it. Last time I checked, German Shepherd puppies were being sold for hundreds of dollars each. Why in the hell would he buy a puppy from a pet shop? And why a purebred? That means, like all purebred dogs, it was inbred. Speaking as someone who has studied animals, humans have been inbreeding dogs for many generations which results in dogs that are far more likely to suffer from health problems as opposed to mixed breeds. Health problems associated with German Shepherds include hip dysplasia, epilepsy and more. Other pure breeds, like dalmatians, golden retrievers, dobermans, etc. often suffer from even more severe health issues.

Your boyfriend is a fool.

If your boyfriend was determined to get a German Shepherd, fine, but buying a puppy from a pet shop is one of the WORST ways to go about getting a dog. The fact that he did not even discuss it with you tells me that he is not very smart nor considerate. According to the ASPCA, approximately 1.2 MILLON dogs are killed every year in our nation’s animal shelters. That is a disgusting, sad truth that most Americans do not want to even think about much less discuss. Has your boyfriend ever heard of an animal shelter? Has he ever heard of “rescuing a dog”? The fact that people still pay WAAAY too much to get puppies at pet shops truly pisses me off. It is incredibly selfish to pay for a a puppy when over 3,000 dogs are killed EVERY DAY for being “unwanted.” Only a fool would buy a purebred puppy from a pet shop. 

Maybe it bothered you, maybe not. Maybe you did not think about it, the same way that he did not think about it? Nobody wants to think about it. I have rescued many dogs from animal shelters. I have four rescued dogs in my house right now! And even I do not “want” to think about over 3,000 dogs being killed each day, just in this country alone. That is a lot of dogs. EVERY DAY. It is heartbreaking. Not only do Americans do nothing about it, but we actually breed MORE dogs each day…and we breed more…and more…and more…. People breed them in their backyards and then sell them to pet shops for a couple of hundred dollars so that the pet shop can turn around and sell them for twice that much to fools like your boyfriend.  

Of course I could spend more time and space in this column discussing how your boyfriend should learn to communicate with you. I could go on and on about how he does not seem to take your idea of “family” as seriously as you do. But I do not really care about that, because you and your boyfriend have a thing called “choice.” I am more concerned about the thousands of unwanted dogs and cats being killed every day because douchebags, frat boys and others buy a puppy and then decide they do not want it. If your boyfriend really wanted to do something for his kids (and yours) he would have taken them to an animal shelter to teach them about Compassion and consequences—as opposed to “buying” a living thing like he/she is a fucking object.    

—Little Bobby Tucker

“I love my dog as much as I love you | But you may fade, my dog will always come through | All the pay I need comes shining through his eyes | I don’t need no cold water to make me realize” —Cat Stevens, “I Love My Dog” 1966