Dear Little Bobby

Far too often in this country we throw things away that would still be wanted by someone else. Everything from perfectly edible food which places like Whole Foods throw away because the bananas are “a little too yellow” to the unwanted pets that get thrown away by fools who get a dog without wanting the responsibility of its care.

Nothing makes me temporarily forget about Donald Trump’s disgusting treatment of immigrants quite like a quick and amazing fuck. It does not mean that we are bad people because we stop calling our congressperson long enough to enjoy having sex with our partner.

You have probably heard it said that we “can’t fix stupid,” but I do not agree. Quality education can fix stupid. But what we cannot fix is someone who chooses to be ignorant and to stay ignorant. You can only explain the difference between socialism and fascism so many times before you are just wasting your breath.

You can study music theory until your right brain bleeds but that still does not mean you can write a song, or that the song will be “good.” To start writing, you need to keep playing.

I get very upset thinking about our president and how he mistreats people. This whole disgusting administration makes me angry. I’ve been told that I should have compassion for him, but how is it possible to have compassion for this fascist?

People breed puppies in their backyards and then sell them to pet shops for a couple of hundred dollars so that the pet shop can turn around and sell them for twice that much to fools like your boyfriend.

Our modern civil rights movement needs as many people as possible to be themselves and for us to work together for change. But people “being themselves” also means that they are allowed to not talk about their private life for as long as they do not want to talk about it, maybe even forever.

I am inspired by artists who say “I’m going to write or paint this weekend” without regard to “what” they are going to write or paint. Sometimes we just have to put brush to canvas, without being attached to the result.

I want to work on making things better, by voting, by talking about this stuff online and in person, by recognizing my white male privilege and not abusing it, by being a vegetarian, because “human privilege” exists too (and I know that the way we treat animals reflects how we treat each other).

When my band would get together for practice and our guitar player would use more than one pedal we would point and laugh and say things like, “Get a load of him! He thinks he’s in Oktober People!”

If you are getting a “very creepy vibe” off this guy, if other women are saying he makes them “very uncomfortable,” if you are “scared for” your aunt, then what the hell are you waiting for? The Rapture? I would suggest that you immediately intervene.

I think the larger picture is the more important issue. Are you sabotaging relationships? Are you letting some kittens sabotage your relationships? If it is true that you “date a lot of women,” maybe there is something else going on, maybe something much more.

I’m a musician trying to decide how much I can afford to spend on instruments, renting a practice space, going on tour, and the rest. Sometimes it gives me anxiety and causes stress between me and my partner. How much is too much to spend on my art?

How about acting out the fantasies that you only dreamed of during “The Before Time” (which is how I think we will soon be referring to everything that happened prior to January 20, 2017)?

My boyfriend has recently started a band with his friends. Unfortunately it is heavy metal. Not only do the practices disrupt our home life but they recently had their first show and I kinda hated it. What should I do? Tell him and hurt his feelings, or keep lying to him?

We all know about the triumvirate of “sex, drugs and rock ‘n ‘roll.” Having lots of sex and doing drugs can each contribute to a lack of sleep. I recommend as much sex as possible, but not a lot of drugs.